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Hello! My name is Leslie and I am a mother of 3 amazing little boys.  I created this website so that I could share my experiences of motherhood.  My youngest son was born with several difficulties and continues to overcome obstacles everyday.  I have learned so much from him in the short time that he has been with us.  I recently came to the realization that I needed an outlet to share my moments of joy, sadness, fear and the other hundreds of emotions that come along with having a special needs child.  I hope you enjoy our story and hopefully you will be inspired along the way.

Thanks for visiting!
~Leslie

Our Story

I don't even know where to begin!  My husband and I thought we were done having kids after our first two sons were born.  God had a different plan for us though.  I found out in January 2011 two days after I quit my job and decided to pursue my dream of being a full time photographer that I was pregnant with our 3rd child.  Needless to say this took my husband and I by surprise.  At first we were worried about the normal things like money, sanity and our house being too small.  At the time these seemed like big issues to us but looking back these were actually the least of our worries.
 I was so anxious to find out if we were having a boy or girl so I decided to do the early genetic testing so we could find out right away.  Patience was never an easy thing for me but Jax is teaching me this very important characteristic.  As my mom and I were waiting to get the results from the ultrasound the Genetic counselor started walking toward us.  The blood test wasn't going to be ready until a week so we wouldn't know if the baby was a boy or girl until then.  Before I saw her face I just assumed they were going to tell me the ultrasound was normal and they would let us know when the blood test comes back.  As she approached me I noticed what I call "sad eyes" on her face.  I think I knew in that moment that something was wrong.  She took us in her tiny little office and told us that there was a very strong possibility that Jax had down syndrome based on the measurements they do from the chin to the back of the neck.  At first it didn't seem like this conversation was real.  How could there be something wrong with my baby after I have had two perfectly healthy children?  It just didn't seem right.  Instantly I felt scared and confused.  There were so many questions running through my head.  How much is my family going to change by this news?  What is God's plan for us?  Am I strong enough to do this?  I was absolutely devastated.  
I had the choice of getting a procedure done to find out for sure if our baby had down syndrome.  I chose to do it and the test confirmed that he didn't have it.  The results took a week to come back and that was the worst week of my life.  I couldn't eat or sleep and all I did was worry about our baby.  We were all so relieved to find out that he didn't have down syndrome but from this point forward I didn't feel completely out of the woods.  
Throughout the pregnancy there were complications and new things to be worried about all the time.  My amniotic fluid was too high, Jax's chin was measuring smaller than normal, etc.  We knew that there was a chance he might have to have surgery after he was born to fix his small chin but I didn't really think that would happen.  Again, I was naive to the possibility that there could be something wrong with Jax.  I just assumed since Colt (my middle child) had a small chin that Jax did too and that was it.
So the time finally came when Jax was going to be born.  Since my other 2 babies were born via c-section Jax would be as well.  As soon as he came out I asked if his chin was okay.  Everything is always so crazy in the delivery room so everything seemed fine since there were no doctors rushing around or looking worried.  After the surgery I went back to my room and waited until Jax was done with all the normal things babies have done right after birth.  They told us at first it would be a couple hours until we saw him.  A couple hours passed and then it was going to be another couple hours.  I knew something wasn't right but they weren't really telling us much.  I didn't get to see him until later that night.  When they brought him to me I was told to hold him a certain way because he was having trouble breathing.  I felt so bad because I was scared to hold him.  I didn't want to hurt him and as soon as he cried I asked the nurse to take him back.  I just felt like I didn't know how to hold him the right way yet.


Everything just went from bad to worse after this point.  They didn't know what was wrong with him and he had to stay in the NICU the whole time he was there.  Mike and I were able to visit him a few times.  It was very hard but I had no idea how hard it was about to get.  The next morning the doctor came in and told me that she felt like he needed to go to Children's Memorial downtown where the specialists were.  Everything happened so fast and before I knew it my precious baby was gone.  I'm an emotional person in general but when I had to say goodbye to Jax I don't think I have ever cried so much in my life.  Mike and my best friend Meghan were there with me when the transport team came to take him.  My mom is more emotional than I am so I was kind of glad she wasn't there because between the both of us the room would have been flooded with tears.  When they brought him in he was covered with wires and monitors and put in what looked like a clear box with wheels.  It was very scary to see him like this.  It really made me aware of how serious his health problems were.  There are not many words to describe what I was feeling at that point.  I was terrified beyond belief.  I had only held him twice and spent a total of maybe 20 minutes with him.  I wanted to go with him so bad but I couldn't because I was still recovering.  The moment came when I had to let him go and I was crying uncontrollably.  I'm sure the whole floor could hear me.  My best friend and I are not huggers by any means but in that moment she wrapped her arms around me and told me it was going to be okay.


He spent a total of 6 weeks in the NICU and had 3 surgeries while he was there.  I have always been scared to drive downtown because I'm horrible with directions and I was always afraid I would get lost.  Mike was off the first week Jax was in the hospital so we went everyday to visit.  A week passed and now it was my turn to learn how to drive downtown by myself.  I was no longer scared because there was nothing more that I wanted than to see my baby.  I visited Jax every single day that he was there.  Even if I could only spend an hour with him I was there.  The first few days were hard because I was still scared I was going to hold him the wrong way and he would have a harder time breathing.  There were so many wires hooked up to him which made it hard to pick him up myself.  The nurses handed him to me a lot in the beginning but as I got more comfortable with him I started picking him up myself.  I was so worried that he wouldn't know who I was or that we would miss out on so much bonding time.  It was very hard to leave him everyday.  We had a prayer bear in his crib that we squeezed every night before we left.  It said a beautiful prayer and Mike and I put our arms around each other and I cried as we had to leave.

Jax has a long road ahead of him but he is such a strong fighter so I know he will continue to amaze us all.  To learn more about the surgeries he had and his diagnosis click on the tab Jax's Surgeries.  If you would like to follow our story you can also check out my blog for updates @ blog.teamjax.com or click on the tab My Blog.